Random: A parenting style…

So I’ve started to look into homeschooling for my kids, once they reach that age. Kurt is almost preschool age.. so it got me thinking. Then one day at the library I saw a poster for a homeschooling group here in town! And yesterday I went to their monthly meeting to see if I wanted to join. I really like them! I only met a handful but they told me their is roughly 50-60 more families in the are who are homeschooling. So great! I was a tad disappointed to find that most of them use curriculum based learning through actual schools, but then they explained that they schools give them money towards curriculum and music lessons, material etc. Which was very intriguing. And once I perused the list of school available here in BC I was pleasantly surprised to find some very “open” learning style places.

So this trail of thought has landed me on many websites about Waldorf, Unschooling, Montessori and the like. All very interesting. I really had no concept of “alternative parenting” until I stumbled across the peaceful and non-coercive stuff. But to find actual methods really made my mind swirl. I really wish I would have found this information BEFORE having kids. To have a plan for every stage a REASON for treating my kids with respect.Which sounds absurd but I am struggling with connecting with Kurt he is two and a half years old and I came into parenting with what I call “recommended guidlines” way of parenting. Time outs, saying no, slapping hands ( and bums and sides of heads) and pulling ears. Rewards and punishments, convincing, overpowering. These are all parts of my parenting style that I am trying to get rid of, change around etc… It’s hard. It’s ingrained! I don’t have many memories of being punished as a child by my mother. I do remember getting spankings from my dads. Vividly.. arg. It’s so hard. I’m feeling so guilty that Kurt is almost 3 and I’ve ruined these important years with struggling to find myself as well as parent with some leftover from how I was parented.

I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m feeling like the more I learn the less I know.. which I’m pretty sure is a song or quote from somewhere.. but it’s exactly how I feel.

How do I overhaul my parenting whilst being waist deep in the mucky part of it?

Part of the things that are holding me back. The TV. The computer. The iPhone. The DS. ALL THE TOYS . They beep and light up and buzz and talk. or they are plastic. or they dont’ really do anything .. but they are the normal toys you get for kids. I’ve been struggling with the idea to get rid of them all. Well.. the ones that we really DONT NEED. the problem being most of them were a gift from family. namely my in-laws. Very touchy subject if I was to suddenly sell them all…..

I’m lost. I have to figure out how to be so I can model it for my children. I need to find and practice patience so my kids will be. I need to figure out how to interact day to day…

.

Random: A crafty idea…

We’ve started to take crafts seriously in our house. I think maybe it has to do with me wanting to be more creative and in turn help my kids be more creative. I also think it has A LOT to do with the fact that Kurt is interested in sitting and doing them. 🙂 So we turned out linen cupboard into our craft closet so we have a place for anything and everything creative!

Painting is our favorite, its messy and instant!  Not like the silly bug craft we tried to do, the glue wouldn’t stick and I may or may not have turned into super control freak, dead set on finishing the project.

Keenin is 11 months… so he’ still little. But not so little that he doesn’t need to be involved! He tip toes and tries to reach his brother’s stuff on the table… so he sits in his high chair and watches us paint. But again.. he’s not so little that he doesn’t feel the need to be included.

I tried giving him a paint brush with some paint – he chewed it ( its non toxic right?!)

I tried giving him markers – he chewed them.

I tried giving him crayons – he chewed them.

So I breathed out and thought…. do I let him eat the non-toxic coloring utensils? I really preferred not to… And then brilliance struck me!

I handed him a paint brush and a cup of water as well as an orange piece of paper. He started coping his brother, dip, dip and then rubbing it on the paper… voila! It looked like he was painting, but then it would dry and he could do it again. His fascination with dipping didn’t stop, but the painting did. But I didn’t feel guilty for letting him dip, dip, chew.

So there you go a crafty idea for the little one that NEEDS to be involved but still chews everything. Water painting! 🙂

Not gonna lie, it did end in tears when he desperately wanted to try the paints and mom wouldn’t let him chew on it after it had been dipped in paint.. but hey its a start!

GreenMumma

Random: Feeling the wave….

Happiness isn’t a destination, it’s the  journey.

Every step of the journey IS the journey.

Happiness isn’t a fish you can catch….

I know the words of wisdom. But I find myself waiting for the moment when everything falls into place and I can sit back and think ” aaah, THIS is the life…..”

When the kids aren’t screaming, teething, sick,grumpy,neglected. When me and my husband aren’t having tit for tat arguments.. When we have all the ingredients for the stuff I want to bake. When its NOT Saturday when I realize I need something from the health food store. When I’m not having one of those days where my hormones and the full moon collide together into a frenzy of neediness, laziness and total lack of understanding for my decisions to get married and have kids…..

I try to BREATHE, remember the moment, count to ten, think of happy things, accept what is happening, stop doing things that suck my energy, just sit, be, etc etc…..

I struggle with it. S-t-r-u-g-g-l-e…. Some moments I catch it, the feeling, of things that could be implemented by myself to make my life easier, more enjoyable.. but for some reason I dont’ let it. I stop myself from doing the things I want to do. From being the person I want to be. Having the body I want to have. I self sabotage, I hear the words of wisdom in my mind and ignore it. I react, even when I’m telling myself to breathe.

I feel like I’m at war with a silent version of myself.

 

Random: Quiet is an inside job….

I read a lot. Blogs, books, articles, facebook pages…. you name it I devour it! And I like it when things stick to my mind…. and I roll them over like a candy in my mouth. Mama Om sticks with me a lot. Her last post had a line “Quiet is an inside job…” And every time my kids get loud, I hear it… Today at breakfast I seemed to have found my peaceful parenting hat and put it on, its been a while. I’ve struggled in between just giving in for the sake of avoiding confrontation or yelling like mad mumma that I used to be on a regular basis. But today I put on my PP hat and felt some sense of ownership of how I feel, mindfulness on what was happening in the room and in my mind. And I thought hard about quiet being a inside job. I realized when I get overwhelmed it’s because – I just need everyone to get off mom and BE QUIET!!!!!! But if its an inside job, then I have to realize.. in order to demand it from my kids they have to WANT TO, or be  INTIMIDATED or have FEAR OF PUNISHMENT. Then I think about how I would feel… if my husband intimidated me into being quiet… I’d feel small, powerless and very angry. Not something I want for my children.

Then comes anger. How do I let my children deal with anger? (I always use the plural, even though Keenin, 10 mos, really doesn’t cause a whole lot of trouble yet 😛 ) Both have them have started screaming, ridiculously loud when they want something… I think Keenin started it as a response to an older brother taking his toys. But its a technique that works! It causes such a response in me, immediate anger. And after watching my oldest Kurt have another tantrum I realized I can’t expect him to have any control over his emotions… if  I don’t even have that.

So that is a place to start….. to keep putting my peaceful parenting hat on and taking a step back instead of being waist deep in the reactions of every moment.

GreenMumma

Random: Sometimes I’m so full….

I keep myself so full sometimes. Full of food, yes. But I’m thinking more of thoughts, shoulds, need to’s…. it fills me and give me purpose some days and on other days it just fills me up with this kind of stress, a low level kind that keeps me from relaxing.  Some days I find clarity and realize I just need to let go and that I don’t have to feel guilty for spending the afternoon folding laundry in front of the TV or sewing while the kids play in the next room. It sound normal.. but I feel stressed out that I’m not doing what should be done, like the dishes or whatever. I’m constantly on my own case.

Today I let go and sewed until I didn’t want to anymore. I painted with Kurt until he was finished.  I’m not going to make myself feel bad for thinking about quitting my job so I can be with my family. Or that my house isn’t clean everyday.

I have a lot of forgiving of myself to do… I have a lot of apologizing to my own family.

I bought a bunch of craft stuff today in a effort to connect with Kurt.

We’ll see how it goes.

Trying to find my way…

I’m always searching, searching for the right combination of thoughts actions and consequences that I enjoy.

Random: A new addition to our family…

So after all the hullabaloo about moving and coming to the decision that we are staying for quite a few years, we decided to get a pet. A cat. I think I would have preferred a dog, but we don’t have the yard for it. So a kitty it is. Much to my husbands pure joy. He is a TOTAL cat person. So we went to the SPCA today and picked one out. A big fat very friendly black and white cat named Stella. I bought the corn litter and crazy healthy made-in-canada cat food. I’m excited. I’ve started feeling the baby itch, very small itch. But baby itch none the less. So a pet will fill that void very fast. And it will be great for the boys.

So a new chapter for us…..

🙂

Saturday: A New Year…

I’m not overly big on holidays, I was as a child… but now I find myself searching for the meaning in them, how I want to pass them onto my children without them becoming mindless consumers! Ah, but then I have to realize they will be what they will be and the best I can do is give them a magical, meaningful childhood… with holidays.

I’ve made a notebook/journal to record ideas we want to implement in our family. It’s fun and will be a sort of keepsakes in 10 or so years we can look back at laugh at ourselves 🙂

This holiday season was lacking the magic but still enjoyable. I’ve been exploring the new terrain in my mind that is mindfulness. I find myself narrating a lot, but it’s a start. I’ve noticed a huge difference in Kurt (2yrs) his tantrums have reduced dramatically and he’s easier to deal with. I’ve also been able to see VERY CLEARLY when I am forcing my agenda or will onto Kurt. It’s like a neon sign flashes.  I’m trying to help my husband be kinder, not as quick to anger. It’s a learning process for both of us.

But I feel kinder, softer, calmer. It’s very new and fresh. I keep thinking of the warmth and joy of being near my mom as a child. That ‘feeling’. I take comfort and refuge in knowing I am that for my children, so it’s OKAY that they are screaming or not co-operating, because I still get to scoop them up in my arms and make everything better.

I am excited for today, for this year. We’ve made some resolutions as a family. No more Wal-Mart. Increase in healthy eating, decrease in pizza and chinese food nights.

My resolutions aren’t as concrete. I always make them, every year. And every year feel the disappointment of not losing those 20-60lbs, not going to the gym everyday. Not baking cookies and muffins every morning.

My resolution.. or rather intention. Is to take each day, hour, minute, moment as it comes. And try to be present for each one. I guess I”ll see on December 31st where that gets me.

I hope everyone has an amazing start to the New Year.

GreenMumma

Sometimes I wonder if I love my kids…

It’s hard to admit, but since I’ve been trying to take a step back, I’ve come to realize that I don’t treat my children with or come from a place of love. It makes me sad. After my second monkey was born 8 months ago, I tried to re-establish myself as a person. Because that person was gone. So far I’ve done an alright job, I’m feeling more whole again.  But I came from it at the wrong angle. I was trying so hard to separate myself from the mumma, from the wife, the homemaker. But now I’m coming to realize – I am all those things.

So I’m relaxing a bit. It’s ok that my baby monkey sleeps with us, that he wakes up every other minute. It’s ok that my 2  year old doesn’t listen. That his strong will is why we butt heads ( that’s a harder one to accept).

So I’m going to try to come from a place of love with them. I practiced yesterday, tried to be mindful and just be in the moment of my emotions. I did alright. I kept my mouth shut a lot more. When things were grating on my nerves I tried to seek out why. Tried to enjoy the small moments with my monkeys…

I think there will be many days of yelling before I can get the hang of it though. But my intention is enough for now.

GreenMumma

Inspired…

I wanted to add a couple of blogs that have inspired me and that I’ve been reading and reading and reading!

Rosie’s Dreams – I love her voice, the love and patience she has with her children.

The New Old School – amazing tips and things to think about. On my journey into greenness I’ve come to find that walking away from convenience is a challenge worth taking!

Progressive Pioneer – she has amazing crafty ideas that I love to look at and maybe even attempt! 

Mama Om – I only just found this blog but cannot wait to sit down and devour it.  

Penniless Parenting – this is where I started reading about ‘family cloth’ and started challenging myself not to ‘want’ all the time. Frugal is a new word to me. Not that I have lots of money. We are just shoppers. Wal-Mart… is sometimes a weekend outing  ( I’m working on it!) This should give you some wonderful reading and give you  a taste of how my brain works 😀

See you on Monday for some musings….