Monday: Exploration, plants, sunshine!

30 05 2011

I have been inspired. By the sunshine and all the plants growing. By how big my boys are. The amount they BOTH are talking. Kurt is starting to really explore and be interested. YAY! Found an amazing website called 5 Orange Potatoes. Our town is overrun with dandelions every summer, people spend most of the summer pulling, mowing and spraying these. Until this year I’ve also had a hate for them and let my inlaws spray for two years… I KNOW! anyways. This year I decided to embrace the Dandelion. I am astounded at the information and recipes I’ve found. They are wonderful for you, and to think so many of them growing anywhere I look!

So, after naptime me and the boys are going across to a public field where there are GAZILLIONS of Dandelions and we are going to gather HUNDREDS to make Dandelion Syrup and maybe even Dandelion Cookies!

I am so in love with medicinal plants. So I am a little late with my plans to build and try to grow some, but I’ll try and I’ll definitely be more prepared for next summer! I plan on using scraps of wood we have around our yard and also salvaging some pallets from around town to make a whole bunch of raised garden beds.

I wish my house would stay clean so I had more time. That being said, getting off the computer and going outside!



Monday Musings: I am bursting…

7 03 2011

I am literally bursting at the seams. We’ve had two sunny days, although still -15 range. But I’m so excited about spring. We’ve started some seedlings and got some more indoor plants. I’ve been re-arranging our house and playing with my kids. I’m so full of energy and ideas. I cannot wait until it’s green so we can lay down and look at the sky for as long as we want. Listening to the cars and the birds and the wind.



Monday Musings: I needed a break..

25 01 2011

I haven’t written in a while… mostly because  I needed to just be. I didn’t need to record or seek approval. I needed to just get through the days with my children. For the most part we’ve had good days. A lot of days at the library, my new favorite place. I’ve devoured book after book, Kurt sits on the computer and plays toddler computer games and Keenin crawls around and chews on toys. Its quiet and filled with other people. I’ve talked to so many ‘strangers’ in the last month. Something I stopped doing when I met my husband. I missed it. The connections and coincidences, the new information. It’s lovely.

Then my mind was filled with stress about whether or not to move…. I let it get the best of me. I worried and worried and read information and phoned people and made appoitments and asked my husbands opinion a thousand times. I filled my mind to fill the time. Now that its ‘over’ and we’ve decided we aren’t moving… although we plan to re-visit the idea again in 6 months, I can laugh at myself. To see how much I struggled in my own mind. All the suffering I created for myself and in turn my children. And in all the cufuffle… I find  myself with a job on the weekends. Which I’m not even quite sure if I want to keep…. but anyways.

So I’m trying to pull myself back to here and now.

On a better note, I’ve been involving Kurt more, in the everday. Helping me make pancakes (yes the frying pan is hot if you touch it!) and do dishes (even by himself),  make the bed, change his brothers diaper. Little day to day things. He loves it. And I don’t know why I didn’t do that from the beginning. Why I found myself thinking of him as a little pest that needed to be kept busy and away from me. But now I see how our days go when I involve him. See how it helps him be able to go on his own.

My husband, Bryce, and I are trying our best to start bringing in peaceful parenting. It’s a large concept to bring into the family and to try to do on your own, with the help of online resources and library books. But we are talking about it, what we think it means. In the heat of the moment, what we should be doing better. We don’t succeed a lot….. but I can see where we are getting sucked into ‘punishment should hurt, physically or emotionally’ that you HAVE to say NO. Otherwise how will they ever learn? Which I know is very silly thinking. But I do find it amazing how much of our own childhoods come into play.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping. Late at night, around dinner time (without feeding the kids first). Kurt of course had a meltdown, why wouldn’t he? I hoped he wouldn’t but I knew right away it was my fault…. I took him unprepared. Finally back in the car he was screaming and crying that he wanted to watch Tee-Tee DeeDeeDee.(TV and DVD) and was pointing to my seat. We have a DVD player we take on long trips to my Mums or down south. I kept telling him “Honey, we don’t have the DVD player you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to watch tv” He in turn would wail louder and protest even more. This went back and forth for a few minutes. Finally I said ‘Fine, Kurt, watch the TV’ and VOILA! he was quiet, stopped screaming and crying and just sat there. He asked a few more times and I would just say ‘Yup, you go a head and watch it honey’. I’m not sure why, but our best guess was that he just needed us to say yes. To not be the opposition. He knew there was no TV, he’s not slow by any means. He just needed Mum and Dad to be on his side, I think?

So when we get into heated moments like that, I’m going to try to remember the power of YES.


Monday Musings : Mindfulness and Being Sick

20 12 2010

I had the (un)fortunate opportunity to be sick this weekend, with the rest of my family. I also started reading a book called Wonder Child by Peter Lorie. I found it in a pile of books given to me by my MIL. These two things together have helped me find the kind of mindfulness or at least awareness I’ve been seeking. I try to be in the moment, and I know it will take a lot of practice, but I was craving to know what it felt like to  BE completely in the moment. In comes being sick…. When I am truly sick my mind goes into a sort of fog. I am unable to concentrate on very much. In fact I’m unable to think much past the present moment. I’ve always felt that way when I get sick but never realized what treat it is, to only concentrate on RIGHT NOW. Combine that with reading a book about children and how to feel like a child again, I’ve come to appreciate being sick! I kept my mind open and playful, watching my sons playing, coughing, crying. Letting myself feel ‘feelings’ of being a kid again. A little indescribable but amazing! I felt joy in the simplest activities that we do everyday. Without my  mind constantly churning on ideas and plans, it was so nice to just be. I even had a small epiphany, that I have been so bogged down with life stresses, ‘being an adult’, that I forgot to enjoy myself. I mean really, I get to stay home everyday, why not make it fun and enjoy it as if I were a child again? The house will always need cleaning, we will always need more money. Me stressing and worrying about these things doesn’t change them or make them go away. It just fills up my mind with unnecessary thoughts.

This then got me thinking back to how when I lived in New Zealand, life felt simple and vivid. I LIVED everyday. I have an inkling as to why now. It was new, everything was a discovery. Everyday brought new activities and thoughts. The social dynamic is so much different down there compared to Canada. In small almost indescribable ways. I definitely miss it. But that was why I found living there so exciting. I was a kid again, in almost every sense. So the challenge now is to try to bring that here, to my new/old home in Canada. How to find that head space, to make everyday NEW again….

 I haven’t finished reading Wonder Child, but I plan to, and then leave it on the coffee table to be reminded about the games and ways to think and interact with my children, to keep their wonder and magic alive in their lives. They don’t need to be adults for a loooong time. So I’m going to stop demanding that they grow up, follow the rules and do what they are told.

It seems so funny to be told thoughts that already seemed to be in your head, you just needed reminding…

I feel very excited on this new path of thought and discovery I’ve found. Amazing to think that without leaving my home I’ve expanded my mind in ways I never thought about a month or two ago.

I’m very thankful that when I need things, they arrive in my hands.


Monday Musings : The Mumma Funk

13 12 2010

No, it’s not the latest music fad. It’s that Mumma Funk that I sometimes get into. The unmotivated, bored, why did I have children again? Funk. It makes the cleaning stop and the tv come on and the days slide by. Maybe no one else goes through it. But I sure know I do. I have been in a bad funk since winter started. Trapped in doors not able to go for the walks that kept the funk at bay during the summer.

So my husband has been helping when he gets home. He’s been understanding, not resentful.  This has given me time in the evenings to try to press the reset button and try again the next day.  So today we are going to the Library for some reading time, and then having a friend over for Kurt (2yrs).

I need to ‘muse’ more on why this funk appears and how to get out of it….

But onwards with the day.


Monday Musing: Who I want to be as a Mum(ma)

5 12 2010

Reading through Mama Om’s blog. I feel enlightened. Like she is holding a lantern on a path I’ve been seeking. Oh so deep and rich right? But it’s true. And I’ve started to really look at my parenting from a step back. I have a few books on mindfulness in my collection.  And they are hard to read, foreign. A bit like learning a new language.

A quote that stuck with me: ” imagine your thoughts and emotions as clouds, now be the sky”

Very thought-provoking and soul-shaking. To be the sky. It’s a WOW thing.

So my life as a mum as of late has been. Lots of facebook, google and other time passing things that don’t require involvement. Which means my children are planted in front of movie after movie. It’s a horrible cycle. I hate it. I hate that they are watching, I hate that I’m on the computer (like now) and I feel guilt and failure. I’m frustrated, so then comes the bored kids and the yelling mum. And then hubby comes home and I turn all my frustration, negativity and general unwellness onto him. He starts yelling. So the cycle continues.

I want out.

I want to be peaceful, be the calm, collected one. The one who can stop the fighting and bring some quiet resolution.  I want our days to be filled with creativity, learning, playing. Because right now it’s not a childhood for them. It’s a battle field. Every mumma and monkey for themselves.

I’m looking forward tomorrow. But that is silly. Because there is still today.

I want to be a happy, mindful, involved Mum. Not a distracted, yelling, uninvolved one. And I know I can be who I want to be. One little moment at a time. So for now, I’m going to turn off the computer and go cuddle with my son.

Green Mumma