Sometimes I wonder if I love my kids…

8 12 2010

It’s hard to admit, but since I’ve been trying to take a step back, I’ve come to realize that I don’t treat my children with or come from a place of love. It makes me sad. After my second monkey was born 8 months ago, I tried to re-establish myself as a person. Because that person was gone. So far I’ve done an alright job, I’m feeling more whole again.  But I came from it at the wrong angle. I was trying so hard to separate myself from the mumma, from the wife, the homemaker. But now I’m coming to realize – I am all those things.

So I’m relaxing a bit. It’s ok that my baby monkey sleeps with us, that he wakes up every other minute. It’s ok that my 2  year old doesn’t listen. That his strong will is why we butt heads ( that’s a harder one to accept).

So I’m going to try to come from a place of love with them. I practiced yesterday, tried to be mindful and just be in the moment of my emotions. I did alright. I kept my mouth shut a lot more. When things were grating on my nerves I tried to seek out why. Tried to enjoy the small moments with my monkeys…

I think there will be many days of yelling before I can get the hang of it though. But my intention is enough for now.

GreenMumma

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2 responses

18 12 2010
Stacy (mama-om)

Your post reminded me about the concept of counterwill, which was so helpful for me when I learned about when my oldest was around 2.

Counterwill is the natural human reaction to resist being controlled, and though there is no longer a direct link to the article, you can visit this page, http://www.gordonneufeld.com/courses, and then click Making Sense of Counterwill and then Course Description to read more.

(FYI, I’ve never taken this course so can’t recommend it, and I am not affiliated with this teacher or organization; this is just the only place I can find this information online).

18 12 2010
GreenMumma

Thanks, I will add this to things I plan to read about 🙂

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