Sometimes I wonder if I love my kids…

8 12 2010

It’s hard to admit, but since I’ve been trying to take a step back, I’ve come to realize that I don’t treat my children with or come from a place of love. It makes me sad. After my second monkey was born 8 months ago, I tried to re-establish myself as a person. Because that person was gone. So far I’ve done an alright job, I’m feeling more whole again.  But I came from it at the wrong angle. I was trying so hard to separate myself from the mumma, from the wife, the homemaker. But now I’m coming to realize – I am all those things.

So I’m relaxing a bit. It’s ok that my baby monkey sleeps with us, that he wakes up every other minute. It’s ok that my 2  year old doesn’t listen. That his strong will is why we butt heads ( that’s a harder one to accept).

So I’m going to try to come from a place of love with them. I practiced yesterday, tried to be mindful and just be in the moment of my emotions. I did alright. I kept my mouth shut a lot more. When things were grating on my nerves I tried to seek out why. Tried to enjoy the small moments with my monkeys…

I think there will be many days of yelling before I can get the hang of it though. But my intention is enough for now.




2 responses

18 12 2010
Stacy (mama-om)

Your post reminded me about the concept of counterwill, which was so helpful for me when I learned about when my oldest was around 2.

Counterwill is the natural human reaction to resist being controlled, and though there is no longer a direct link to the article, you can visit this page,, and then click Making Sense of Counterwill and then Course Description to read more.

(FYI, I’ve never taken this course so can’t recommend it, and I am not affiliated with this teacher or organization; this is just the only place I can find this information online).

18 12 2010

Thanks, I will add this to things I plan to read about 🙂

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