Random: Sometimes I’m so full….

12 02 2011

I keep myself so full sometimes. Full of food, yes. But I’m thinking more of thoughts, shoulds, need to’s…. it fills me and give me purpose some days and on other days it just fills me up with this kind of stress, a low level kind that keeps me from relaxing.  Some days I find clarity and realize I just need to let go and that I don’t have to feel guilty for spending the afternoon folding laundry in front of the TV or sewing while the kids play in the next room. It sound normal.. but I feel stressed out that I’m not doing what should be done, like the dishes or whatever. I’m constantly on my own case.

Today I let go and sewed until I didn’t want to anymore. I painted with Kurt until he was finished.  I’m not going to make myself feel bad for thinking about quitting my job so I can be with my family. Or that my house isn’t clean everyday.

I have a lot of forgiving of myself to do… I have a lot of apologizing to my own family.

I bought a bunch of craft stuff today in a effort to connect with Kurt.

We’ll see how it goes.

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