Monday Musings: I needed a break..

25 01 2011

I haven’t written in a while… mostly because  I needed to just be. I didn’t need to record or seek approval. I needed to just get through the days with my children. For the most part we’ve had good days. A lot of days at the library, my new favorite place. I’ve devoured book after book, Kurt sits on the computer and plays toddler computer games and Keenin crawls around and chews on toys. Its quiet and filled with other people. I’ve talked to so many ‘strangers’ in the last month. Something I stopped doing when I met my husband. I missed it. The connections and coincidences, the new information. It’s lovely.

Then my mind was filled with stress about whether or not to move…. I let it get the best of me. I worried and worried and read information and phoned people and made appoitments and asked my husbands opinion a thousand times. I filled my mind to fill the time. Now that its ‘over’ and we’ve decided we aren’t moving… although we plan to re-visit the idea again in 6 months, I can laugh at myself. To see how much I struggled in my own mind. All the suffering I created for myself and in turn my children. And in all the cufuffle… I find  myself with a job on the weekends. Which I’m not even quite sure if I want to keep…. but anyways.

So I’m trying to pull myself back to here and now.

On a better note, I’ve been involving Kurt more, in the everday. Helping me make pancakes (yes the frying pan is hot if you touch it!) and do dishes (even by himself),  make the bed, change his brothers diaper. Little day to day things. He loves it. And I don’t know why I didn’t do that from the beginning. Why I found myself thinking of him as a little pest that needed to be kept busy and away from me. But now I see how our days go when I involve him. See how it helps him be able to go on his own.

My husband, Bryce, and I are trying our best to start bringing in peaceful parenting. It’s a large concept to bring into the family and to try to do on your own, with the help of online resources and library books. But we are talking about it, what we think it means. In the heat of the moment, what we should be doing better. We don’t succeed a lot….. but I can see where we are getting sucked into ‘punishment should hurt, physically or emotionally’ that you HAVE to say NO. Otherwise how will they ever learn? Which I know is very silly thinking. But I do find it amazing how much of our own childhoods come into play.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping. Late at night, around dinner time (without feeding the kids first). Kurt of course had a meltdown, why wouldn’t he? I hoped he wouldn’t but I knew right away it was my fault…. I took him unprepared. Finally back in the car he was screaming and crying that he wanted to watch Tee-Tee DeeDeeDee.(TV and DVD) and was pointing to my seat. We have a DVD player we take on long trips to my Mums or down south. I kept telling him “Honey, we don’t have the DVD player you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to watch tv” He in turn would wail louder and protest even more. This went back and forth for a few minutes. Finally I said ‘Fine, Kurt, watch the TV’ and VOILA! he was quiet, stopped screaming and crying and just sat there. He asked a few more times and I would just say ‘Yup, you go a head and watch it honey’. I’m not sure why, but our best guess was that he just needed us to say yes. To not be the opposition. He knew there was no TV, he’s not slow by any means. He just needed Mum and Dad to be on his side, I think?

So when we get into heated moments like that, I’m going to try to remember the power of YES.





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